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WORLD SUICIDE PREVENTION DAY 2024: CHANGE THE NARRATIVE
September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. This a call to change the narrative and talk about those difficult thoughts to reduce stigma raise awareness and create a culture of understanding and support to prevent suicide.
NOT TODAY
I have tried warding them off, in vain.
Scary yet oddly soothing
Confusing yet seemingly rational
Painful yet strangely gratifying
Flagrant yet seductively enticing
Chaotically, I have made peace and welcomed these intrusive thoughts.
A deeply hidden, dark secret that’s carefully guarded
It’s a masquerade party and I am stealing the show.
Desolation and despondence masked behind well-feigned smiles
Fronted confidence masquerading deep-seated self-loath
A poker face concealing the abyss of despair
It’s a queer feeling to be courting death when everyone else is obsessed with keeping alive.
‘Open up,’ they urge
‘It’s a safe space’, they affirm
‘Boo-hoo!’ they dismiss
‘Get over it,’ they shrug
‘What an exhausting downy dumper!’, they think
I lay myself bare, hoping that they see the enormity of my pain
But they can only scratch the surface of it
To speak up or to hold back? I am lost in the quagmire, for neither proffers a solution
Loved, valued, appreciated, worthy;
To see myself through another’s eyes, I would give anything
Sometimes certain of my worth, many times trapped by my mind’s dissuasion;
I am worn out by this perpetual battle.
I have no fight left in me to challenge and fight my brain’s violent nudgings
These thoughts and feelings. Are they warranted or indefensible?
The expression of my agony. Is it self-absorbed or justified?
To convey my pain however I want. Do I reserve that right?
An end to the pain or an end to my existence? Which is it I seek?
To escape from something that is inside of me, I do not know.
But I do know that every day, I want to live harder than I want to live.
To numb and drown out the painful emotions, I do not know
But I do know that somehow, I want the fog to lift.
To unfold and open up that I may heal, I do not know,
But I do know that I want to let the feelings out that recovery may come in.
